The other night I was out and I saw a man who was wearing women's clothing and heels.
He seemed to be having a wonderful time. I didn’t think about him again until I left. As I was walking to my car I felt vulnerable and I was aware of who was walking around me. I realized that as vulnerable as I may feel at times, I am still not as much of a target as someone like him.
Just for dressing the way he did there are people that will hate him.
I am truly impressed by someone who is willing to face this kind of hate willingly.
He could have blended in, looked “normal,” but he decided not to.
He is what I envision when I think of a warrior.
In my eyes, it does not get braver than facing hate.
Someone who has chosen to be openly gay knowing that some people will hate you and want you dead for expressing yourself.
That perhaps your own family may disown you.
But still, you have realized the most important thing is to be true to yourself.
I am in great admiration of the courage it takes to do this in the face of constant hate and discrimination. I don’t know what that must feel like.
I do know this.
I went out on Saturday night to an incredibly fun concert.
I had a wonderful time that night and I awoke to the news that at the same time I was enjoying myself, many others who were doing the same, found themselves in a truly horrific situation.
The more I reflect on this, the more my heart hurts but I am not hopeless.
I see how brave you are.
And while I am terrified, truly horrified, at the idea of this happening to me,
I will not let that fear control me.
I will keep showing up.
I will keep showing my support for you and what I believe in
However, I do pray for one thing right now and that is courage.
Courage that if this does happen in the same time and space as me that I ACT.
I want to die fighting that is for damn sure.
I pray if that time ever comes
I find the courage somewhere to do whatever I can to make the situation better in some way.
So when I go to concerts I am not just going to have fun
I go with a hidden agenda to spread love
I also go with an agenda to diffuse pain and hate in whatever way it may present itself.
Here is what I mean.
At the concert on Saturday the band played a very touching song that the singer said was about a friend he had lost. As he sang I looked to my right and I saw a young woman crying. I don’t know who she lost but I was pretty sure she lost someone. So I hugged her and told her I was sorry for her loss. She seemed grateful for the acknowledgement. Or when I saw a group of young guys who kind of looked intimidating in front of me and I joked with them and found they were not intimidating at all. These are not big things, I don’t even know if they made any different in any way at all. It is just what my heart told me to do so I went with it.
I have let my guard down and found that while it is very easy to be consumed by fear, more often than not, the responses I receive from being vulnerable are ones of love and connection.
A far cry from the hate and judgement I fear.
That being said I am still very afraid. One of my many fears…I know what it is like to feel rage and I know that often times when someone is truly enraged there is nothing more infuriating than someone who is happy.
Shine your light bright and there will be those that seek to put it out.
Although, in the end it doesn’t matter because the alternative is worse.
So shine on and remember this above all else,
To thine own self be true.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!